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Tom, Id like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy. These days, Trajedi.63.If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?. George Carlin's Most Humorous and Influential Quotes. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. George Carlin. May your birthday be as sweet as you are. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.". 'Cause pretty soon they have little hats. Don't look for it. The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. Despite selling out a Boston concert at $100 a seat just two days prior, his 45-minute set on 3.5 million dollar violin, only 6 passengers stopped to enjoy his music that day. Happy 60th Birthday filled with lot of happiness and joy! You must have a lot of stories to tell. However, he is mostly known for his dark comedy that sheds light on a variety of subjects like politics, psychology, taboo subjects, religion and the English language. . There's no present. George Carlin's Estate, via HBO. "The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.". Afterward he met with 100 donors, not campaign donors, heart donors. There's a reason education sucks, and it's the same reason it will never ever ever be fixed. 500 matching entries found. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it, because you've lost your identity, because you now owe your allegiance to this thing that's bigger than you are and that controls you. Oftentimes, tasks can sometimes [] More, 99% of passengers couldnt identify this world class musician, Joshua Bell, a world class violinist, decides to play the violin for 45 minutes in a busy train station. I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose it'll be much harder to detect. Brain Droppings, Hyperion. More, by Quotezine Team April 5, 2018, 5:42 pm, Do that every single day, and soon you have a wall, In this video, Will Smith delivers an inspiring speechdiscussing a lesson he learned while working for his fathers construction business. ("naturalWidth"in a&&"naturalHeight"in a))return{};for(var c=0;a=d[c];++c){var e=a.getAttribute("pagespeed_url_hash");e&&(! Source: George Carlin: You Are All Diseased. "Men are from Earth . 2."Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Yippee your birthday is finally here. Show more. This significance of this day is beyond just your birthday. Chris Rock. Get inspired by these Robin Williams Quotes. If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball. If you have quotes you would like us to cover, please contact us. Happy 65th Birthday! They should be giving their money to you.39.I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. Good. God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well. "The planet is fine. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. His special, Seven Dirty Words became the central subject for a decision by the US Supreme Court to allow the government to censor indecent material from airing on public mediums. 500 matching entries found. Lets be honest: the man was whip smart and about as funny as you could get. Cherish all your happy moments; they make a fine cushion for old age. He was born on May 12th, 1937 in Manhattan, New York and passed away on June 22nd, 2008 due to heart failure. In a career that spanned over 50 years, what remained constant was his opinionated nature and take no prisoners approach to comedy. Quotations by George Carlin, American Comedian, Born May 12, 1937. Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. Enter your account data and we will send you a link to reset your password. "It's harder to be funny from the position of power. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. John Allison. What does it mean to pre-board? 32. When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands. I don't do that, why, don't give a shit! We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Carlin and his "Seven dirty words" comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. Thank you! And he always had a knack for packaging bigideas into small digestible pieces of humor. ", Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. George Carlin. What does it mean to pre-board? Happy Birthday! I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it. Whats the matter with you? 125 George Carlin Quotes. Custom and user added quotes with pictures. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Wishing you a lot of surprises and happiness on your 65th Birthday. Birthday Quotes - BrainyQuote. TIME takes a look at some of the legendary comedian's most memorable lines . There are a lot of good comics out there, no doubt, but as far as the quality of the comics goes, I think what you have is a bunch of situational comics. "In America, anyone can become president. Documentary, Comedy, 1984. I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. Happy 60th Birthday! Custom and user added quotes with pictures. Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar., I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. The Kennedy Center posthumously awarded this year's Mark Twain Prize for American Humor to George Carlin. We just can't stop people from being homeless if that's their choice. I felt better right away. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?, Hyperion. Oh especially three. That's the problem." "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." " Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity ." "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." And fight songs. 500 matching entries found. The people are f**ked.58.If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.59.Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.60.I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, George Carlin (2002). 86 Copy quote. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. 500 matching entries found. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. Book by George Carlin, 2004. Its been 5 years since his passing, and the world still feels a little emptier without him. Authors; Topics; . William Butler Yeats: "From our birthday, until we die, / Is but the winking of an eye." Plato: "Old age: A great sense of calm and freedom. To my way of thinking, there is every bit as much evidence for the existence of UFOs as there is for the existence of God. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? It just becomes something more entertaining. It is time to party! And armbands. Happy Birthday! Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.50.Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.51.I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. 60 really looks great on you! "People are wonderful one at a time. The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. Ally Carter. Carlin is well-known for pivoting from a strait-laced, suit-and-tie approach to standup in the late 1960s and early . Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. "Don't just teach your children to read. Showing search results for "George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes" sorted by relevance. At least in the case of UFOs there have been countless taped and filmed and, by the way, unexplained sightings from all over the world, along with documented radar evidence seen by experienced military and civilian radar operators.>>. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money.33.If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor.34.Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. Related Topics. If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. Happy Birthday, my sugar lumps! I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. Related Topics. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. Every passing year brings in an experience and a hope for tomorrow. August 26, 2013. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts.18.In America, anyone can become president. Thank God people dont age as fast as other creatures, because otherwise youd be gone by now. Some people see things that are and ask, Why? "Democracy Now!" with Amy Goodman, www.democracynow.org. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. Funny, Sarcastic, Witty. George Carlin. George Carlin (2015). Comedian "Orange Is the New Black Geek Is the New Chic 60 Is the New?" Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Happy Birthday to you, my dearest friend. It seems only right. My heart felt wishes and blessings are coming your way on the wonderful occasion of your birthday. He was born May 12, 1937, in New York City into an Irish Catholic family, but he rejected the faith. You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same a**hole your father was.61.One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.62.There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. On Comedy: "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately." There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. He would cover any issue no matter how contentious in a way that felt authentic and in line with his personal beliefs. (function(){var g=this,h=function(b,d){var a=b.split(". Thats the problem.19.We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.20.The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.21.Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me., 22.When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. There's no present. 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